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[13 Aug 2007|11:18pm] |
an open letter to all of the people in my life that I have walked away from:
most of you have formed and shaped the person that I once was - peers from high school, people from shows and "the scene" three years ago, (most importantly) everyone from camp brainerd. I don't have the right to call any of you my friends, because the truth is, I haven't kept in touch with a single one of you. for a long while i kept everything else at bay and tried desperately to have a personality and a life. all of you helped me to find that somewhere along the way. I have had countless heart to hearts with many of you, and if I could I would go back to that time. somewhere in my self-discovery I got lost and became completely consumed with an eating disorder. I shut every single one of you out and lost the person that I was. a part of me wants to rekindle friendships and deep conections, but I can't. I'm not who I used to be. I don't even know who I am aside from numbers and weights and calories. I regret this, but refuse to change it. I'm sorry for losing all of you, and even more sorry for losing myself. one day I hope to get back to that place where I once was, but the path is long forgotten and burried. I miss all of you and I miss myself. I still hold all of you with the highest regards despite my words and/or actions. I'm sorry.
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[01 Mar 2005|09:33am] |
if you like me and I like you, then maybe you got lucky.
edit; oh it's not that I don't like all of you, I'm just selective in my reading.
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[24 Feb 2005|05:59pm] |
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music |
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tv on the radio |
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this morning I awoke to find a green scrawled marker message on my white board that read in short, "bringing vietnamese home tonight, call to tell me what you would like." which made me begin to understand and rejoice over how cultured I am.
then after an announcement that caused rampant smiles and squeals of happiness I attended a rigorous ping-pong tournament. an intense dance party preceded in journalism where myself and three others "brought down the house."
school would be a lot better if it were only four periods long every day.
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[20 Feb 2005|04:56pm] |
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I'm not a bad driver. I just have bad luck.
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[15 Feb 2005|04:43pm] |
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year one(american nightmare reference intended) of ever having a valentine reminded me of all those previous february 14th's with flowers and heart shaped cookies left on my computer desk or doorstep by family and friends. these small acts of kindness helped to deplete the need for valentine's days "spent with the wrong people who always said the wrong things." I wasn't thankful for any of that until yesterday at approximately 1:47pm.
cut to the important parts like popping fourteen balloons and reading fourteen paper valentines with fourteen specific memories written inside or listening to this one saves the day song via accoustic guitar and your voice. more than anything else, the most important thing acquired last night was happiness.
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